Many faith traditions set aside times for turning inward, reflecting, and spiritual practice. Right now, many Christians are practicing Lent while many Muslims observe Ramadan. Honoring these special times with the support of a religious community reminds us of the regenerative, inward work we need to do to become more human and sustain ourselves as leaders, especially in times of transition.
In A Different Kind of Fast: Feeding Our True Hungers in Lent, Christine Valters Painter offers this insight:
We do not have to retreat to the desert or join a monastery to find this path of deepened intimacy with God. We each have the opportunity to choose this inner work of discerning what we hold onto and what we release at every season of our lives. We each have the choice to make.
Beyond these designated periods, we often find ourselves in an unplanned introspection “in every season of our lives” when we seek greater clarity for our lives and religious leadership. Unexpected life events, changes in our congregations, or the wider world can prompt this unanticipated turning inward.
Yet, even when we anticipate change, as with a planned retirement, a career change, or a change of ministry setting, we often need a period of inner work as we respond to necessary changes on the surface. This inner work includes reflecting on questions of meaning and purpose, developing a new narrative to guide us, and even shifting our consciousness of who we are and how we align our actions with our values.
Approaching What Seems Unnecessary
Some religious traditions call this time a period of discernment. Our culture often deems such times of reflection needless and unsettling.
Over the years, I have companioned many religious leaders through one-on-one coaching or retreats focused on crafting a new personal narrative for mid-career ministry, exploring possible new ministry options, and preparing for retirement. Since we are in a culture that often doesn’t have the patience to allow time for necessary inner work, these experiences provide opportunities for clergy (and sometimes their spouses and partners) to linger longer in the questions, the emotions and the spiritual work that can be overlooked if we rush through times of transition.
It’s tempting to believe that once we have a new position, retire, or begin a new life stage, we’ve “done the change.” Staying on the surface of change is an experience many of us know in ourselves and in the people and organizations we serve. But the real work of change is the inner work of transition.
Christine Valters Painter says that transition seasons are times for “discerning what we hold onto and what we release.” Such discernment does not come quickly or smoothly. The wisdom from our religious traditions is that rather than short-circuiting the inner work prematurely, we should abide through the whole designated period of 40 days of Lent or the holy month of Ramadan and see what emerges. In my experience, when we get to the other side of our impulse to “bail out,” regenerative work begins.
Phases of Transition
Those who have studied transitions (e.g., William Bridges and the Modern Elder Academy) often describe transitions as including three phases, each with accompanying emotions and tasks: the ending, the “messy middle,” and the new beginnings phase. They recognize the tendency to rush through the “messy middle” in the hope of getting quickly to the new beginning.
In our tendency to “get on with it,” we avoid what could be the most generative and critically important phase in which we ask the more profound questions—and in which the deeper process of transformation occurs, our consciousness changes, and our narrative shifts.
Especially during the uncertain time of the “messy middle,” everyday practices can serve us well. Recognizing the importance of downtime; contemplating a question before answering it; reflecting on what wants to emerge in our lives; and finding times for silence, prayer, centering, and quiet time help to align our minds with our hearts and our guiding values with our actions. If we nurture these practices routinely, we can call on them in times of significant transition.
Individuals and organizations are often anxious about the unknown—the “messy middle”—but are reluctant to do deep inner work. Instead, they rush toward what’s next rather than enter into the deeper questions that arise when we ask: Who are we? What feels unfulfilled? What are we called to be and to become? What is our unique contribution? Where is the Spirit leading us?
The Triple Threats
In a recent gathering of coaches in the Modern Elder Academy, we explored an often unexplored dynamic: the “triple threats” that leaders fear or imagine on the threshold between an ending and a new beginning:
A threat to one’s identity. I often encounter clergy approaching a career change or retirement asking, “Who am I, if I am not a minister?”
A threat from one’s community. One client wondered if her congregation would feel she was abandoning them at a crucial time. In examining this threat, she developed a new way to approach the time of transition with her congregation, communicating care for them and trust in their capacity to carry the ministry forward. She engaged in practices for intentionally accompanying them forthrightly into the transition and thus did not feel like she was abandoning them.
A threat to one’s family or inner circle. Our transitions affect those closest to us. When we broach the subject openly, making it “discussable,” we can test out our assumptions and find ways to openly collaborate and navigate the transition together.
If, with guidance, we engage any of these “threats” head-on, we can discover which are real and which are only perceived. We can bring our limiting beliefs and unexamined assumptions into the light and remove the blocks to our moving forward.
Much of what we know about the individual transitions of leaders also applies to congregations. Through intentional periods of reflection and review, leaders can make time for the “inner work of discerning what we hold onto and what we release.” Using well-crafted questions that help people to abide in the “messy middle,” leaders can help cultivate a more reflective way of organizational life.
Reflection Questions:
- What are your or your congregation’s current tendencies when faced with uncertainty or an impending transition?
- How could you slow the process down and interrupt organizational routines and personal patterns that prevent your or your congregation from abiding in a season of reflection and discernment?
- Who can support you in approaching, rather than avoiding, the “messy middle”?
- What questions do you or your congregation tend to avoid?
- At this threshold time of life, what questions could you or your congregation embrace and explore?
Lawrence Peers is dedicated to serving and coaching leaders and teams from a comprehensive and integral perspective. His focus is on helping leaders be a better observer of their own leadership and of the organizations they serve in order to design skillful and reflective leadership responses. He is a Professional Certified Coach (PCC), certified Leadership Circle ® coach and Immunity to Change® and Conflict Dynamics Profile® facilitator and a Strozzi Institute Associate. He was a former director of the Pastoral Excellence Network and continues to provide training to clergy coaches and mentors. He is an adjunct professor at Lancaster Theological Seminary and Hartford International University for Religion and Peace focusing on adaptive leadership, conflict transformation and spiritually-grounded leadership.